Blog (10/09/2022)- Resilience

Bouncebackability. This was a term I grew up with, which was constantly thrown at me when faced with crisis. After failing my A- level’s, I remember being terrified that I would be ridiculed and judged by people around me for not going to university at the time when all my friends had secured places on their chosen courses. I vividly recall feeling sorry for myself and wishing I could go back in time to do things differently. In that moment of despair, I remember having a conversation with my friend’s father who said it’s not about you failing your exams, it is about what you do now that defines this perceived failure. In other words what do I make this mean? Do I let my fear and expectations from others define my choices and not continue or do I persevere and as painful and embarrassing as it seems retake my exams, sit an additional year and see the path life takes me on. 

In simple terms, this means possessing a coping mechanism which enables you to deal with the difficulties or curveballs that life most definitely will throw your way, whilst refilling that hope and optimism within yourself after a negative event.  

You see it often during college and university, wherein the various deadlines and financial stressors cause many a student to collapse under the unpredictable nature of life. Unexpected illness strikes just before a deadline or news of a loved one’s demise just days before an important presentation. How do you react in this situation? Are you able to bounce back from this?  

Whilst it is normal to experience the emotional imprint of such events particularly when you are already under stress of a deadline, how you deal with the aftermath and the actions you take or do not take during such a situation is what defines resilience. Resilience is not about numbing the pain and trying to move forward after experiencing a loss on the eve of an important deadline or presentation, resilience is about feeling those feelings and being able to work through them in a way that enables you to complete the deadline and find a means of becoming unstuck from the fear or pain you feel in that moment. 

I found that changing the focus of my situation from the problem towards seeking a solution focused my mind on how to progress forwards. It helped reduce the fears that were present and instead enabled the mind to find actual strategies and achievable goals. This technique can be applied to many different experiences to break down seemingly difficult tasks into bite size steps in the direction you want.  

Here is an exercise you can try:

Write about a situation that you felt you had no control over.  
Observe your responses to this event.  
How did you feel during the situation?  
What was your initial reaction?  
What did you do or not do to overcome this situation?  
What would you do differently next time?  

Taking 5 minutes at the end of the day to answer these questions is a good starting point to begin to develop awareness and with time, this will enable you to practise change in real time.  

To help you get started: 
Ask yourself what is your why?! What is your reason to bounce back? If you do not have any, think about what reasons can be important for you to continue to strive through difficult moments or want you to!  

Whatever circumstances you face right now, it may seem insignificant, or it may be important. Both are valid. What you do in this moment and how you challenge your fears and try and work with them, will help you develop your bouncebackability!